October 11, 2013

像我這樣的一個,女人!

還是第一次幫男人執拾行李。
眼前這位,平日滿有潔癖的姿整港佬(!),臨別依依,還是會散落一地衫褲鞋襪。
我立即以superhero形式出現,二話不說,一件、一件、摺好、拍拍、疊疊(已很爆)的行李箱。得左。
Christopher 仰慕的真情流露 (我認為!哈哈):「婷,其實你有好溫柔的一面啊!」
我低頭,扮聽唔到,繼續把拖鞋塞進喼。心,嗚咽,一陣陣。欲哭也無淚。
這位朋友無心的一句,倒是很中用。連日被重撃,讓我差點以為自己是狂人.癲婆.大怪獸。
(給他煮個麵、淥條菜都會被回贈「好感動啊!!!!」的這位人兄,跟他一起真的太令人有滿足感! 哈哈)

我。
從來不是溫柔體貼那一類。由於聲大及笑得狂放,很容易被認為是很強悍的那一類。
又有點自以為的鐵甲萬能十隻手四隻腳,所以,有一點狂傲。難聽點說,是會被人取笑為港女的那種。
離港流亡這幾年,學成的不是法文,而是,做一個女人。
清瘦了點 (16kg!!)、頭髮長了、多數穿裙子 (還要是長裙!)。
Susanna 說我:「謝婷,你說法文的時候,溫柔好多好多啊!!!」(鬼叫廣東話突突實實、抑揚頓挫...咩!)
才勉強有一點淒美與柔情(!)。
算是一個女人。

外在溫溫柔柔中國娃娃,內裡還是硬繃繃。
對著很在意 (很在意!!!!) 的人與事,陣腳就亂、論盡了... 倒瀉籮蟹。
因為心急,就亂了事。反而讓人滿有 pushy 之感。千錯萬錯,都錯在心急出了錯。
如果我早知.... (下刪三千四十字)。

有些女孩教我,唉你,不要劃公仔劃出腸來好嗎? 底牌,是用來收收埋埋的。
想要,你都不該說出口! 你就引導他找,找不到,你就給他木口面。
他服侍對了,你才給一點甜頭!
我,就是學不會你在明我在暗的推測猜磨。心直口快、黑白分明。
我要什麼,我說就得了,為什麼要你測測度度?
總之不是很懂得勾引動機的那種。

不過,對比起西方女子,我還算懂得張就。
張就得多,又好像過了頭。被人按著搶,還只懂微笑說:「啊,謝謝。」。
我是真心覺得沒所謂的。計也不同你計。我的,不也就是你的!
朋友氣得說了粗口:「thank god you dont need to deal with this kind of shit anymore.」
shit? 有沒有這麼難聽啊... 唔得唔得! 唔係喎我明喎,苦衷呀佢...

而且很大頭蝦。而且很不細心。
而且,頭髮又硬又粗呢。
就不是很有自信的女人。說起話來就會詞不達意。寫字,總好得多。但世上又有幾多人會睇字?

話說回頭。開始寫這個題的時候,其實是想說什麼呢?
似乎都不要緊了。最近過得不很好。寫,為了抒發,七下。

事已至此,為自己寫了幾百字 CV,搞咩呢? 把自己 SELL 出去啊!!!
加埋張相,又如何!
(講下o者,我給聖母開了張「三十點」清單,要遇到「咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁咁」的一個。
難到,我自己都拿手唔成勢,咁囉。)


難捱啊。但,
我仍然,能夠,講一聲,我係我。

Message from Medjugorje, Jan 2 2015

"Dear children, I am here among you as a mother who desires to help you to come to know the truth. While I lived your life on earth I had knowledge of the truth, and by this alone, a piece of Heaven on earth. That is why I desire the same for you, my children. The Heavenly Father desires pure hearts filled with the knowledge of the truth. He desires for you to love all those whom you meet, because I also love my Son in all of you. This is the beginning of coming to know the truth. Many false truths are being offered to you. You will overcome them with a heart cleansed by fasting, prayer, penance and the Gospel. This is the only truth and it is the truth which my Son left you. You do not need to examine it much. What is asked of you, as I also have done, is to love and to give. My children, if you love, your heart will be a home for my Son and me, and the words of my Son will be the guiding light in your life. My children, I will make use of you, apostles of love, to help all of my children to come to know the truth. My children, I have always prayed for the Church of my Son, and so I also ask the same of you. Pray that your shepherds may come to shine forth with the love of my Son. Thank you."